Awkward Order

While in college...I worked as a delivery man at Town Deli Pizza...now this isn't just any deli...they sell everything from pizza to sandwiches, chips to cake...as part of my responsibilities...I would answer the phone and take orders when it was slow...One day I answer the phone to take an order...

John: Town Deli, Can I take your order
Customer: Yes, Id like to place an order for delivery
John: Sure, what would you like
Customer: Can I get a BLT on a toasted roll and a 20oz coke
John: Sure, anything else?
Customer: Do you guys sell toilet paper?
John: No mam.
Customer: O......Can I just have extra napkins then?

YeeHaw!

I decided that I wanted to go horse back riding...so I got a group together picked a date and it was planned. But when I do something I go all out...so I got my cowboy hat, flannel shirt and cowboy boots on and was ready to ride some cowboys....I mean horses!

Now at this time in my life I had fallen off the fitness wagon...and my ass fell hard. I've always had a little bit of a food issue in my life...I'm a yo-yoer...I'll be super fit for 8 or 9 months and then I'll spend the next 3 months pigging out and watching tv....it works well

We show up to the place the guy takes a look at us...now I've already told u what I look like...but my bf...he also can be described the same way...we are two big men...and one of us happens to be dressed as a cowboy (me)...and he did not find that cute....so anyway..the guy takes one look at Archie (my bf) and goes how much u weigh..he answers 200lbs.....so now the guy...or the grump...as we later began to refer to him as...looks at me and asks me...so I answer 200 as "truthfully" as I can... I prob weighed 220 at the time...he wasn't buying...the guy just stood there staring at me...205...I offered....I'll be back he goes...

I already was self conscious about my recent weight game..and watching him consult with his friends noding towards was not making me feel any better...Finaly he returns..."every one can ride but you" pointing at me of course.

So hear I am dressed up as a frigging cow boy and I can't even ride a damn horse... I was turned away...cowboy hat in hand!

rejected...whatever...the guy looked like a leprecaun anyway...and no that's not just me being bitter!

First Job

So...after reading my self description I'll bet that you never would guess that I'm an account...yup...me...an accountant...like 2 + 4...yea I can do all that....no for real though accounting is a stressful and very serious profession... And truthfully I loved accounting in college...it was like a puzzle for me...the practical accounting world however did not appreciate my personality as much as the casual world

I was fortunate enough to land a job at the number one accounting firm in the industry....I was proud...my family was proud...I was going to be making good money...and they were going to fly me to Chicago to train for a month! I was super excited....super duper excited!!!

So...the time came to beging my career at pwc...Boy was I suprised...if there was one thing I never had a problem with it's making friends....I was in a whole different world now...somehow...my goofy charm had no effect on these suit wearing stone faced walking calculators...no matter how many times I tried...I could not get a smile outta these people...by the middle of the week I was feeling low....but there was hope...a casual night! A night where there would be fun games and drinks and best of all...no suits! I had high hopes...I put on my tightest jeans and my tightest t shirt and I felt sure I was about to make some friends...I mean who can resist a handsome guy in s tight t! right?? Right!!?!

Well it turns out I was right (toldja) people seemed less uptight and there was plenty of games that made it easy for people to bond over...including a joust, a rock climbing wall and fortune tellers...well I was starting yo have fun and make friends when one of my new girl buddies...challenged me to a bungee race...now u may be familiar with this bungee race thing mabob...u see it frequently at these kind of events...basically u put on a vest that is attached yo a bungee cord...the objective is that u have to go as far as u can stretch the bungee...put the velcrow on the scratch pad to mark ur spot and then let go so that the bungee cord will pull u back (ur on an inflatable bounce thing to prevent dnyone from getting hurt)..so now that u get the picture... It was time for me to go against my friend (she's a girl) so...round one...we go...and she beats me!...now don't forget there's a crowd....and she's a girl...and I'm a big muscle dude..who lost...to a petite little girl!

Now it's round two and I am determined to win...I mean I have to win at least one round...otherwise I would of been flexing all night for nothing! So the horn goes off...I pull the damn bungee as far as I can... look over at my competion...make sure that she is incapable of pulling farther than me......and see that she isn't even half as far and she let's the bungee pull her back...so now I place the velcrow on the scratchy pad and get ready to stop pulling and let the bungee pull me back...instead the bungee snaps back and hits me in the butt...I go flying forward into the tables and chairs that are in front of the bungee "game"...now at first...all I feel is the pain from falling into the chairs...the crowd rushes in around me to make sure I'm ok...then...I feel the intense burning sensation from the bungee snapping back and hitting my butt!!! I start running around and screaming in circles..this shit burned...I caused such a distraction even the frigging rock climbers that were at the top of the wall stopped to see what the hell was going on..I mean really u need to hear my scream to get the full effect.

Anyway to make a long story short...I spent the rest of the night with my bare butt on a bag of ice..what made it worse was that everyone came to take pics of my butt...I mean I didn't even shave that day and people are taking pics of my butt!...I dont even think I did squats that week for gods sake! I mean I had to take pics despite the less than top condition of my butt...what happened if it became serious!

Well needless to say I made plenty of friends after that experience...